Apparently Arby’s Really Does Have “THE MEATS!”

I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Arby’s.  It was always the Lisa Simpson of fast food places.  You know the name but you don’t really give a shit if you ever actually see or hear from it.  In college you could go there and get 5 roast beef sandwiches for $5 which made it a goldmine for cheap weekend stomach filling prior to getting hammered and vomiting in a parking lot. That’s why I was super excited when the B.A.R.F offices discovered that they are putting their money where their mouths are with the new “We have the meats!” slogan, and celebrated this by unveiling a new group of over the top sandwiches to fill our fat bellies.

These three babies come directly from the Arby’s Smokehouse, whatever the hell that is. Two of the entries, the Turkey and the Brisket, are pretty standard fair.  They look to be just a smoked turkey and a roast beef based sandwich. The third one is the real king here.  Ladies and gentlemen, grab your bibs and a family size bottle of tums.  I give you The Pork Belly Smokehouse Sandwich.

For anyone not familiar with pork belly, it is the underside of the pig that is normally cut thin and cured to make bacon. It is absolutely delicious when properly prepared.  It tastes like the love child of a pound of thick cut bacon and a rack of ribs.  If you ever get a chance to eat some you should but I can’t really vouch for the quality of the Arby’s version. The sandwich features three pieces of thick-cut pork belly, melted smoked cheddar cheese, crispy onions, BBQ sauce, and mayo served on a toasted roll.  I am sure you ware wondering about the nutrition information and man, it is rough.

This one is definitely a schedule clearer.   Its almost half a day’s calories and  60% of those come from fat. The fat and saturated fat levels are simply massive for a single food item, and are a full days worth.  It also contains buckets of cholesterol and sodium.  The one plus side is the large amount of protein to offset some of the carbs, but at those fat levels it simply doesn’t mean anything.  My favorite part has to be all the question marks in the vitamin section.  They are basically saying “Well, its made from Pork Belly so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.”

I then learned that there is another special sandwich that didn’t end up on the original picture and it’s a solid first entry into the frankenfood market for Arby’s.  This one is sure to make any meat lovers nipples hard.  Bow before the might of The Smoke Mountain!

This is all 3 of the new smokehouse sandwiches combined into one mega-sandwich.  Here is the nutrition:

So there is a slight fat offset due to the removal of a piece of pork belly and the addition of the trkey.  This also shows you what a gut buster that pork belly sandwich is, as outside of the sodium, it beats the Smoke Mountain in almost every metric.  Still, with 3 sandwiches combined into one, this is one solid over-the-top foodstuff.

Now you would think that would be as solid start but during the writing of this piece, B.A.R.F learned of an incredible new development once again coming from the Arby’s kitchen.  Coming to a test market near you, I am proud to present the Arby’s Venison Sandwich!

You heard that right…a fast food dear meat sandwich.  This puppy is a venison steak with crispy onion straws and juniper berry sauce.  After doing some additional digging, I was able to find out some information on the preparation of this tasty treat.  So the piece of venison steak is slow cooked in some type of liquid for several hours and then grilled.  According to one of the corporate Arby’s chef this helps make it “extremely tender and really cuts down the gamy flavor”.  Now I am no butcher but I feel like the acceptable gamy levels in a fast food restaurant couldn’t possibly very high, most likely creating a gamy level somewhere in between grilled drunken raccoon and homemade lizard jerky.  So if eating low grade wild game while sitting at a red plastic table in Leechburg, PA is on your bucket list, congrats, you are the big winner of the day.

So there you have it.  Arby’s has the meats and just in time for packing on those ever important holiday pounds.  If you sample any of these delicious treats, feel free to leave the info in the comments.  I won’t be holding my breath though, I am pretty sure no one I know actually eats at Arby’s.

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