My Every 4 Year Quick Soccer Rant

4 years have passed and once again, the country is crazy for soccer.  The World Cup has made its regular appearance and for the next two months everyone will be gaga for soccer…then no one will care for 4 years.  We treat the sport like two people that run into each other at some bi-annual work conference and bone each other’s brains out.  For that short period of time it is hot and heavy enjoyment but then quickly fades away…like when you see a co worker you can’t stand hurt themselves in the office or a celebrity has a spouse that bangs a transsexual.  People say soccer is boring, there isn’t enough scoring, it is not nearly as exciting as American football.  Really?  So the fact that no other country in the world plays American football is lost on you and clearly the 7,000,000,000 other people on the planet who love soccer have no idea what they are talking about…I know..staggering numbers…but lets be honest.  American’s are just not really that good at understanding obvious numbers and facts that don’t involve celebrity dish, social media, typed character limits, gratuitous violence, Dr Oz, deep fried <insert food object>, or the night time lineup on Bravo.

Although I do love to watch American football, lets break it down for a second.  22 guys lineup and then smash into each other as hard as they can at breakneck speed, get up off the ground and collect their various loose body parts, and do it again….for 60 minutes.  It is like watching the same car accident over and over again…you know, like a county fair demolition derby.  If you haven’t gone to one of these, you should.  They are awesome.  People always talk about how to make soccer more exciting or appealing to Americans.  How about Americans try and appreciate something for what it is for once.  A great game filled with strategy and amazingly skilled athletes competing at the highest levels of the worlds most popular sport.  No offense to Tom Brady, but outside this country, no one gives a flying fuck about him or anything that he does…..outside of banging his wife who is super hot.  Best thing about living in bubbles is they can be popped.  Time to pop this anti soccer bubble and get with the program, we all be much happier if we do.  Just had to get that off my chest, as I do every 4 years.  Now back to more important things….deciding which stupid Real <insert annoying bitch housewife> of <some stupid fucking city> to watch this week….sigh…

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