There is a dark cloud hanging over my week. You have all seen it. It is Throw Back Thursday, or #TBT for anyone under 40. Shouldn’t be long before our whole language is replaced with #stupidfuckinghashtags but that rant is for another time. People post old pictures of themselves online…everywhere…like a virus….it has spread like herpes..social media herpes. Maybe it should be called sherpes. I should copyright that. They are the horrible pictures born of old photo albums that your parents break out or slide shows of vacations and old BBQs. You know, the type of pointless crap that when someone breaks it out when you are hanging out at their house makes you look at your watch..which is now a cell phone and not a watch…a cwatch…two copyrights in one day, I should change jobs…or reach for a gun to blow your own brains out. Some asshole somewhere decided that this is what Thursdays are for, destroying it forever. Taco Tuesday was brilliant. Tacos are awesome, unless it is that kimchee hipster food truck crap….god hipsters suck. Take off those fucking scarfs, its not even winter! This Thursday thing blows so before anyone can ruin my favorite day of the work week, Friday, I am announcing that it will be forever known as shut the fuck up Friday or #stfufriday….magic!
The rules are simple. Everyone gets to tell one person to shut the fuck up or #stfufriday and they have to do it. No bargaining, no complaining, just #stfu…I am starting to like hashtags. It does make language easier and more stupid at the same time. Can’t think of anything more American than that. Simply drop that hashtag on anyone’s social media feed, twitter, facebook, google+, instagram, face-a-gram, rapidbordem, should-be-working, fake-life-a-gram-book, etc. and they are compelled to shut up for the rest of the day. No more parenting articles, motivation pictures….motepics…damn I’m good…bullshit about how great everything in your life is, status checkins…no one cares where you are…nothing. This will apply to everyone, actors, cable news people, horrible sports personalities, anyone that gets the tag dropped on them. Finally a way to get ESPNs First Take off tv for a day. God that show blows, I can’t think of two more annoying people than Stephen A Smth and Skip Bayless. I envision hell being eternally stuck in an elevator listening to those two talk about sports. Frightening. People might not be happy but if you get one, just remember….if you posts weren’t so #totallydouchey then this wouldn’t happen. My calm quiet Friday Utopia will be a reality. I can then focus on my new book about a 30 something guy who gets a mysterious letter that invites him to a magic land where a secret wizard school is. But there is a twist, the magic land turns out the be Missouri and the wizard school is really a meth lab….pure fried gold right there….or pufrigold…someone get me a patent clerk, stat!
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