“Look, I am relevant…no seriously, I know people. Have you seen Roll Bounce?”
In a desperate attempt to drum up any kind of publicity for himself, Nick Canon will be releasing his new album titled “White People Party Music” in April. To help get people interested he even posed in pictures wearing white face and filmed some really mind numbly stupid videos of himself as his alter white ego Connor Smallnuts. Naturally this caused quite an internet stir in the white community as everyone rushed to the internet to answer the burning question “who the fuck is Nick Cannon?”
“Someone at work told me about it and I jumped online right away. Nick Cannon? I watch WWE every week but I haven’t heard of him. He must be new. I hope he wears some kind of mask that brings the element of mystery and does flips off the top rope. I love that shit!” commented John from San Diego.
“It is time we had a new white singer/dancer. Justin Timberlake is old, Justin Beeber is clearly a total fucking douchebag, and to be honest, as a race we are really tired of performers named Justin. We could use a Hank or a Luke or something. This guy’s name is Nick so that is different…which is always appealing.” muttered Gina from New Jersey as searched for information on her bedazzled iPhone during her Bi-Weekly spray tan.
The album will be dropping on April 1st, and white people seem to already be fired up from the buzz that Canon’s stunt has created. Mark from Ohio had this to say “I heard he is going to drop on April 1st but drop from what? Will he be jumping out of a plane or from a monument or something? That sounds cool, hopefully his shoot won’t open or the rope breaks, that would look great on my You Tube page. Disaster videos can go viral real quick, that will really help me drive some traffic to my site. You interested in some ad space?”
Early reports say the album and music videos will contain all the horrible singing and terrible dancing you would expect from Canon. All the songs will reference the fact he is married to Mariah Carey and was in Roll Bounce, which apparently is a movie that was seen by no one.
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That picture of Nick is very very disturbing.
Omgosh! That line about Bieber is hilarious. Love me some JT though 🙂
p.s. I totally had to look him up. I had no idea who he was. lol